Would You Salt My French Fries?
by Dayna Marie
Summary: What if Mimi needed something a little different that night? Light My Candle parody


So I was in gym the other day and thought, "Hey! What if someone from RENT worked at Sonic back when they still wore roller skates?!" (At least the ones I've been to don't have them anymore.) And alas, I came up with this piece of crap. Probably the worst Light My Candle parody ever.

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT. I also do not own Sonic, Burger King, McDonalds, Ronald McDonald, or any rollerskates.

* * *

**ROGER:**  
What'd you forget?

_(Mimi enters holding a carton of French fries.)_

**MIMI:**  
Got some salt?

**ROGER:**  
I know you. You…smell like burgers.

**MIMI:**  
It's nothing, I just got off work. And I stumbled into McDonalds turf. Would you salt my French fries? What are you staring at?

**ROGER:**  
Nothing. Your fries in the moonlight. You look familiar

_(He salts her French fries with a salt packet. Mimi stumbles.)_

**ROGER:**

Can you make it?

**MIMI:**  
Just haven't gotten much air today. You see, the fumes from the patty cooker make me sway. What?

**ROGER:**  
Nothing, your fries reminded me-

**MIMI:**  
I always remind people of, who is she?

**ROGER:**  
HE died. His name was Ronald.

_(Mimi discreetly blows salt off the fries.)_

**MIMI:**  
They're bland again. Sorry 'bout your friend. Would you salt my French fries?

_(Roger salts the fries. Short awkward silence.)_

**ROGER:**  
Well…

**MIMI:**  
Yeah. Ow!

**ROGER:**  
Oh, the salt, it's-

**MIMI:**  
Burning! It got inside of my-

**ROGER:**  
Cut! Bad luck. Oh, well. Goodnight.  
_(Mimi exits. Mimi knocks again and Roger answers.)  
_Are they bland again?

**MIMI:**  
No, I think that I dropped my tips!

**ROGER:**  
I know I've seen you tanned in the stand when I played with my band. Your fries are bland.

**MIMI:**  
I'm illin', I had it when I walked in the flat. It was cash! Is it in the trash?

**ROGER:**  
The trash?

_(Mimi bends over and starts searching in the trash can for her cash. She looks back at Roger who is staring at her.)_

**MIMI:**  
They say I have the best ass in fast food business. Is it true?

**ROGER:**  
What?

**MIMI:**  
You're staring again.

**ROGER:**  
Oh no. I mean you do, have a nice, I mean… You look familiar.

**MIMI:**  
Like your dead clown friend?

**ROGER:**  
Only when you have fries, but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else.

**MIMI:**  
Do you go to the Sonic stop? That's where I work, I wait. Help me look!

**ROGER:**  
Yes! That's where I took my dates

**MIMI:**  
That's a great choice.

_(Mimi blows off salt again.)_

**ROGER:**  
I didn't recognize you without the roller skates.

**MIMI:**  
We could salt the French fries. Oh won't you salt my French fries?

_(Roger salts fries again.)_

**ROGER:**  
Why don't you forget the cash. Your job sounds minimum wage.

**MIMI:**  
Well it is, but I love serving food, I'm just born to be a waitress!

**ROGER:**  
I once was born to be a waitress-I mean waiter! I used to smell like burgers.

**MIMI:**  
I lost my way, I told you!

**ROGER:**  
I used to sweat.

**MIMI:**  
The cookers hot!

**ROGER:**  
Uh huh. I used to be a waitress-waiter! WAITER!

**MIMI:**  
But now and then I like to-

**ROGER:**  
Uh huh..

**MIMI:**  
Serve drinks.

**ROGER:**  
Here it, um…

_(Roger picks up a small object: Mimi's cash.)_

**MIMI:**  
What's that?

**ROGER:**  
Just my crack pipe.

_(Roger puts it in his pocket.)_

**MIMI:**  
We could salt the French fries.

_(Roger discreetly blows salt off.)_

**MIMI:**

What'd you do with my French fries?

**ROGER:**  
That was my last pack.

**MIMI:**  
Our taste buds'll adjust, thank God for the tots.

**ROGER:**  
Maybe it's not the tots at all. I hear Burger King's opening down the street!

**MIMI:**  
Bah humbug. Bah humbug.

_(Mimi picks up his hand.)_

**ROGER:**  
Cold hands.

**MIMI:**  
Yours too. Rough. Like a robbers. You wanna dance?

**ROGER:**  
With you?

**MIMI:**  
No, with a robber.

**ROGER:**  
I'm Roger.

**MIMI:**  
They call me, they call me, Mimi.

_(They come close to a kiss. Mimi reaches into his pocket, grabs the cash, waves it in front of his face, and makes a sexy exit.)

* * *

_

Sooo...yeah. Wasn't that nifty? REVIEW! If you want to flame I'd prefer it in a message. But if you must put one in the reviews, flames make me giggle.


End file.
